Time: 4.40am

the night is still early. people are still sleeping. as for me, i couldnt sleep. something bothering me. about my future. i dont know what decision to make. so that y i blogging at this timing. in 2 hrs time, you will hear birds chirping and cars making nuisance noise but i scared today wouldnt be so bad coz it is still school holidays. so chances of still grabbing that smelly pillow would be higher.

back to my case.. about my future..

i been holding this sponsorship application for the past 6 months. thoughts of filling up the form had always hold back due to some reasons. pro and cons reasons. until now, i still wondering whether i should fill up and send. 

the pro reasons are simply:

1) i dont have to worry about my expenses

2) the future stake is safe now

3) i will learn how to control my stubborness, temper, discpline myself and also improves on communication skills with everyone around me.

the cons reasons are simply

1) the negative thoughts of hospitals and people perception

2) the burnout that nurses had to take for example: getting scolded by the patients, nagging sisters and demanding family members, the stress level patients putting on nurses and  the workload that wouldnt be finished on time

3) diploma in accounting and becoming cd paramedic after i graduated

so that the pros and cons. if i took the sponsorship mean i will have to serve 2 yrs bond. which means my bond will end when i was 25. and my nursing testimonials is secured now.

but if i joined cd paramedic after i graduated, have to also go training and subquently serve 2 years bond. so totally 4 years which means i will be 27 by then.

if i decided to take cd paramedic mean i will have to work parttime to cover my expenses. which mean i have to “suffer” for the next 1 and half yr.

but wait, you wont believe this, if you joined cd paramedic you will be paid $1938 for your salary and your rank is sergeant. whereas as the graduated nurses, you will paid $1600 for your salary and your rank is staff nurse 2. the workload is also the same no difference but the working hours is also the same; irregular.

i dont want to make decision that will make me regret later. i understand that stepping in the world of working environment 1st thing, you must be COMFORTABLE and feel SECURED. then follow by your pay and working benefits and working hours.

people always say follow your heart, that your future. your future is in your hands. whatever decision you make will determine you success in your career.

oh god, please show me some sign which path i should make. though frankly speaking i pray in my heart, he had helped me open my eyes very big to see world is not fantasy. real-life situations really make me reflect back and dont make same mistakes people do. in times of crisis, he hepled me to be cousicness again. like my friend said once, ” Tuhan terlalu sayang kan awak and tak sanggup nak pisahkan awak dengan orang sekeliling dia yg jugak dia sayang. apa yg berlaku semua ada hikmah. cuba tertenang jika crisis berlaku.”

give me until tolow to decide. i need peaceful environment to think carefully. i will get back again.

shereen is signing out…..:-)