Finally i can access Internet. Finally i can do my case study. Finally i can do my stuffs..

1st thing i access is my results. Although i got my results from Germaine help me look at last fri nite, still i was shocked.

i didnt expect that kind of results.. i was terribly shocked shocked shocked. till now still shocked… SHOCKED!

GPA: 2.219

HS2117 – mental health : B

HS2056 – research methods : B

HS 2119 – behavioural modication : B

HS 2037 - medical surgical : C plus

HS 2082 – biology : C plus

HS2121 – clincial attachment : D plus

HS ???? – clincial laboratory : D plus (i forgot the module code)

Bio C plus? didnt i study like mad study bio? why why why why why why why why?:-(

it was like miracle seriously man for that mental, behavioural modification and research methods.. those are the subjects

i given up hope actually wanting to take sup paper.. those are the subjects i sleep in the lecture hall most of the times.

those are the subjects i dont pay attention at all. happily listened to mp3 while lesson conducted.. that is called miracle..

And i dont understand why why why why why why my attachment from YR1 to now, i always get D plus. What the pro?

What i know is i happy i managed to flow through the semester. Days went by fast. PRCP is waiting for me at the finish line

For those who passed Congrats..

For those who didnt, dont be depressed or sad.. next semestre work hard. that is your last chance.

Raden Ishkandar, you got 2.5? i want that number. confirm This BIO FREAK got A for bio.. BIO FREAK.

For now, i am terribly hungry.. i am dehdryation due to having training in the morning. i am controlling not to break my

fast now. only left 2hrs. i will still wait at 7.04pm..

IMH attachment was fine. Sometimes you feel like helping them, but it was limited to your authority. there is  this patient

want to eat beancurd and longan drink. she asked me to buy for her. but i cant. i am not allowed.. and we have to lie k..

we have to lie coz for safety precaution. once one patient ask, next patient will ask.. and it will be on on on on on on for

century. imagine lying to elderly is like OMG. like lying to my mum.. BIG SIN..

missing you all the times..

shereen signing out….

hi.. i am very very tired.. Today is 2nd day of attachment at IMH.. Overall experience of the day was rated 6/10.

we arrived super duper early man.. 630am we were walking to the entrance of the hospital. we took own sweet time

walking slowly. imagine Germainie had to wake up at 430am just to catch 530am train towards marina bay.. btw she

lived at cck.. from cck to hougang.. that where IMH situated. crazy man those developer.. lucky it was only 2 weeks. if

we were to take PRCP at IMH too, all i can say i pity people out there.. but it was ok.

During the passing report, i was damn blind. coz in normal hospital, they will call the patient name and bed no.. so we

recognise more on the bed no.. easy remember.. when i came here, omg.. they just say the patient name.. and they

remember the patient faces and names very clearly.. imagine 36 patients name, face, diagnosis and behavioural.. i dont

think i can make it coz even with 6 patients i will like sotong.. i salute those nurses.. best part was i feared of aggressive

patient.. just now i heard this patient throw chair suddenly. i miss the whole show coz i went break. but too bad, they

were super bored. if i can feel bored, y cant they right? imagine the games like uno blockers, uno cards, scabble or chess

and worst things, no more drawing block and the pencils color all become like cili padi shape.. so short.. pity them.. no

wonder we were to ask to create a game for them. but what game? and worst thing, they do look uncooperative. coz

when they ask to do exercise, not everyone do it. me and zafirah doing the exercise in that nursing uniform.. it was

really uncomfortable. i mean if you wear pants at least you can do lah.. but wear dress, must take care of manners of

gal.. haha.. lucky no male nurses or male staffs,  if not we will be laughed by them. haha..

i talked to this patient, and basket i kene scolded seh.. i asked for her name.. then i said i student nurse blah blah lor..

she stared at me and start scolding me.. what the hell… nvm it doesnt bother me at all..

imagine out of 36, we only spoke to 5 patients today.. these 5 patients are at least communicable.. willing to share..

now we have to crack head again which patients suitable to be our case study.. and it will be super diffcult.. coz of a lot

factors we need to consider.. simply like choosing life-partner..

now all i know i want to sleep… thanxs for the problems that keep coming in..  which results i easily lost sleep

just like yesterday.. basket plz leave my life alone for a while can.. i got attachment to focus..

and yes i forgot.. the food super SUCKS… really i am not joking.. do you know the mee soto looks like drain water? i

mean i am sorry i know it is food i shouldnt criticise.. but seriously this time i cant take it.. just now i ate pau.. thinking

of the mee soto at that canteen, simply turn me off to eat again.. haiz.. how to survive? i miss ttsh food.. yong tau fo… i

dont mind eating that for 15 days… i simply love the food and environment at ttsh.. i want to go back there..

and another bad thing is if you work afternoon shift, there will be no food for you.. you have to bring own food..

WHAT? you not joking ba?

where am i to find cook to cook for me? haloz my mum is working and i had to fixed my own meal everyday.. i caant

afford to continue fast until 9pm.. i will dead then.. i will fainted again.. nonsense man this people… this people are

very selfish.. even if you go ttsh at 7pm, there will always food available… this one 400pm closes shop… siao..

selfish… arrogant.. idiot.. nonsense…

i miss someone..:-)

results coming out this friday.. my lecturer said, she heard from resources, we passed the exam.. no fail.. at least 50% of

fear reduced down already.. :-p

shereen is signing out..

hi..

first of all, i would to say big THANK YOU to my beloved RADEN ISHKANDER  for saving my precious life just now.. MUCKS…hehe.. you know what i talking about.. and to my best gal friend MARIANA, thanxs sis for the advice. sorry if i disturb you in midst you are doing something.

Next big THANK YOU are to MY DEAR FRIENDS Yazid and Izyan for commenting my blog..

next i found my prince charming.. HADY HADY HADY…

look out the smile, ouch so cute..:-)

that is what my future boyfriend will have.. X-factor will be touching smile.. Sekali pandang manis memandang.. yahoo..:-p

i need smile to touch my heart. (THIS IS IMPORTANT OK.)

 i need presentable personality which outlook a person. 1st impression include manners and proper behaviour is important. (THIS IS IMPORTANT OK.)

i need security and protection. (THIS IS IMPORTANT OK.)

I think i caught someone but i guess i will hold back ba.

I mean why things happen so concidencely? Is concidencely mean opportunity? hehe..

All i can say, you make me happy ba.. tanxs..

“there’s nothing special about me, i am just little star.”- sorie diana i copyright your words without you knowing.

now i lost. i dont know what to say again.. nvmlah tolow i continue again. hehe..

good night. sweet dreams and i off to watch my chinese drama and eat my muffin.:-)

wait i forgot something. i LOVE you hady mirza… hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

shereen signing out………

Happy birthday 20th  Nordin and Happy belated 18th birthday Azizah… 

I having abdominal pain now due to “crAmps” understandable lah eh…:-( …

Some memories are meant to be kept in the heart forever but some are meant to vanish immediately. I dont know i should buried that memories all down in drain or still kept it. Time really flies. Without realising it had been 3 yrs we separated. 3yrs, 36 months, ? days… Memories from how we meet to we had fight at the mall to going holiday together without our parents knowing to how i help to recover your relationship with your dad slowly to many many memories. Wait i also remember i kene sabo by one of most idotic friend. I mean if i had the chance to explain knowing she sabo about me, things will be different. When i received that card, i was angry and pissed off, coz i didnt have the chance to explain what going on. It was too late when i found out you had new one. so fast you recovered whereas me still hanging on to the past. haiyo stupid shirin. But it was in the past. only memories i hold. i been waiting for a chance to meet which i been waiting till now. i been waiting to say i am sorry for my behaviour and sarcatics remark which i badly hurt you. i was most badly hurt when you asked my fav SK necklace you bought on 1st anniversary back. whereas i remember you are still holding on to my present bracelet which i didnt ask back. but it is ok now lah.

Let hope for that day to come.

Let also hope for the day i finally find my prince charming. Maybe he is around being my guardian angel.:-)

And for those people out there having relationship till now, i wish you guys best of luck and here some tips

1) dont ever suspicious of your partner. suspicious is enemy to us women. when you suspicious mean you are hoping that your partner will do that.

2) communication skills is important. if you unhappy over some incident, dont drag. speak out your mind. if you going think of your ego always, i dont think it is going work out lah.

3) make time for each other. i guess work always overcome our time right. dont worry if you know time management you are safe.

4) plan your wedding now. it is never too late or never too early. have a dream of wearing that bridal gown. Ouch so beautiful. and dont forget to invite me to become your bridemaid k. :-p

ok guys take care. tolow i got training at 9am. if i dont come tolow, i might just be kicked out. dont have cca point liao.

shereen is signing out….

Happy birthday 20th  Nordin and Happy belated 18th birthday Azizah… 

I having abdominal pain now due to “crAmps” understandable lah eh…:-( …

Some memories are meant to be kept in the heart forever but some are meant to vanish immediately. I dont know i should buried that memories all down in drain or still kept it. Time really flies. Without realising it had been 3 yrs we separated. 3yrs, 36 months, ? days… Memories from how we meet to we had fight at the mall to going holiday together without our parents knowing to how i help to recover your relationship with your dad slowly to many many memories. Wait i also remember i kene sabo by one of most idotic friend. I mean if i had the chance to explain knowing she sabo about me, things will be different. When i received that card, i was angry and pissed off, coz i didnt have the chance to explain what going on. It was too late when i found out you had new one. so fast you recovered whereas me still hanging on to the past. haiyo stupid shirin. But it was in the past. only memories i hold. i been waiting for a chance to meet which i been waiting till now. i been waiting to say i am sorry for my behaviour and sarcatics remark which i badly hurt you. i was most badly hurt when you asked my fav SK necklace you bought on 1st anniversary back. whereas i remember you are still holding on to my present bracelet which i didnt ask back. but it is ok now lah.

Let hope for that day to come.

Let also hope for the day i finally find my prince charming. Maybe he is around being my guardian angel.:-)

And for those people out there having relationship till now, i wish you guys best of luck and here some tips

1) dont ever suspicious of your partner. suspicious is enemy to us women. when you suspicious mean you are hoping that your partner will do that.

2) communication skills is important. if you unhappy over some incident, dont drag. speak out your mind. if you going think of your ego always, i dont think it is going work out lah.

3) make time for each other. i guess work always overcome our time right. dont worry if you know time management you are safe.

4) plan your wedding now. it is never too late or never too early. have a dream of wearing that bridal gown. Ouch so beautiful. and dont forget to invite me to become your bridemaid k. :-p

ok guys take care. tolow i got training at 9am. if i dont come tolow, i might just be kicked out. dont have cca point liao.

shereen is signing out….

keep holding on

You’re not alone
Together we stand
I’ll be by your side, you know
I’ll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There’s no place to go
You know I won’t give in
No I won’t give inKeep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it
through, we’ll make it through
Just stay strong
‘Cause you know I’m here for
you, I’m here for you
There’s nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way when it
comes to the truth
So keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it
through, we’ll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it’s too late, this
could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I’ll fight and defend
Yeah, yeahKeep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it
through, we’ll make it through
Just stay strong
‘Cause you know I’m here for
you, I’m here for you
There’s nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way when it
comes to the truth
So keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it
through, we’ll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing’s gonna change,
nothing’s gonna change destiny
Whatever’s meant to be will
work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it
through, we’ll make it through
Just stay strong
‘Cause you know I’m here for
you, I’m here for you
There’s nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way when it
comes to the truth
So keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it
through, we’ll make it through

Keep holding on
Keep holding on

There’s nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way when it
comes to the truth
So keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it
through, we’ll make it through

when you’re gone

i always needed time on my own
i never thought i’d need you there when i cry
and the days feel like years when i’m alone
and the bed where you lie is made up on your side

when you walk away i count the steps that you take
do you see how much i need you right now

(chorus)
when you’re gone
the pieces of my heart are missing you
when you’re gone
the face i came to know is missing too
when you’re gone
the words i need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
i miss you

i’ve never felt this way before
everything that i do reminds me of you
and the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
and they smell just like you, i love the things that you do

when you walk away i count the steps that you take
do you see how much i need you right now

(chorus)

we were made for each other
out here forever
i know we were, yeah
all i ever wanted was for you to know
everything i’d do, i’d give my heart and soul
i can hardly breathe i need to feel you here with me, yeah

(chorus)

cobalah untuk setia

Apalah maumu kasih
Kau pilih diriku didalam hidupmu
Nyatanya kulihat kini
Tak bisa kau coba untuk setia
Sudah cukuplah sudah
Ku memberikan waktu
Kau selalu tak bisa
Mencoba untuk setia

Yang selalu kuinginkan
Yang selalu kunanti
Kau coba untuk mengerti
Apalah arti mencinta
Dan harus kau sadari
Bila ingin bersamaku
Jangan coba kau ingkari
Cobalah untuk setia

Masihkah aku di inginkan
Masihkah aku di dambakan
Masih ada waktu untukmu
Bersamamu akankah kujalani hidup

i’m sorry, goodbye

Sebelum bertemu denganmu hidupku bahagia
Semenjak bertemu denganmu ku makin bahagia
Semakin lama aku semakin tahu tentang engkau
Sedikit kecewa ternyata engkau tak baik

Pertama-tama semua manis yg engkau berikan
Membuat aku merasakan cinta sebenarnya
Semakin hari semakin terungkap yg sesungguhnya
Ku makin kecewa ternyata kau penuh dusta

Maafkan ku harus pergi
Ku tak suka dengan ini
Aku tak bodoh
Seperti kekasihmu yang lain

Terima kasih oh Tuhan
Kau tunjukkan siapa dia
Maaf kita putus
So thank you so much
I’m sorry, goodbye

Seribu cara kau membuaiku dengan puitis
Maybe kau lupa bahwa aku pun juga manusia
Yang punya mata, punya hati, dan perasaan
Maaf aku pergi dan takkan untukmu lagi

Time: 4.40am

the night is still early. people are still sleeping. as for me, i couldnt sleep. something bothering me. about my future. i dont know what decision to make. so that y i blogging at this timing. in 2 hrs time, you will hear birds chirping and cars making nuisance noise but i scared today wouldnt be so bad coz it is still school holidays. so chances of still grabbing that smelly pillow would be higher.

back to my case.. about my future..

i been holding this sponsorship application for the past 6 months. thoughts of filling up the form had always hold back due to some reasons. pro and cons reasons. until now, i still wondering whether i should fill up and send. 

the pro reasons are simply:

1) i dont have to worry about my expenses

2) the future stake is safe now

3) i will learn how to control my stubborness, temper, discpline myself and also improves on communication skills with everyone around me.

the cons reasons are simply

1) the negative thoughts of hospitals and people perception

2) the burnout that nurses had to take for example: getting scolded by the patients, nagging sisters and demanding family members, the stress level patients putting on nurses and  the workload that wouldnt be finished on time

3) diploma in accounting and becoming cd paramedic after i graduated

so that the pros and cons. if i took the sponsorship mean i will have to serve 2 yrs bond. which means my bond will end when i was 25. and my nursing testimonials is secured now.

but if i joined cd paramedic after i graduated, have to also go training and subquently serve 2 years bond. so totally 4 years which means i will be 27 by then.

if i decided to take cd paramedic mean i will have to work parttime to cover my expenses. which mean i have to “suffer” for the next 1 and half yr.

but wait, you wont believe this, if you joined cd paramedic you will be paid $1938 for your salary and your rank is sergeant. whereas as the graduated nurses, you will paid $1600 for your salary and your rank is staff nurse 2. the workload is also the same no difference but the working hours is also the same; irregular.

i dont want to make decision that will make me regret later. i understand that stepping in the world of working environment 1st thing, you must be COMFORTABLE and feel SECURED. then follow by your pay and working benefits and working hours.

people always say follow your heart, that your future. your future is in your hands. whatever decision you make will determine you success in your career.

oh god, please show me some sign which path i should make. though frankly speaking i pray in my heart, he had helped me open my eyes very big to see world is not fantasy. real-life situations really make me reflect back and dont make same mistakes people do. in times of crisis, he hepled me to be cousicness again. like my friend said once, ” Tuhan terlalu sayang kan awak and tak sanggup nak pisahkan awak dengan orang sekeliling dia yg jugak dia sayang. apa yg berlaku semua ada hikmah. cuba tertenang jika crisis berlaku.”

give me until tolow to decide. i need peaceful environment to think carefully. i will get back again.

shereen is signing out…..:-)